#ill also take an older lesbian with a room to spare
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hey are there any ways to find local cults/communes to join? I've fucked myself over by being a minority in a red area so i cant get or maintain jobs, and im getting kicked out of my place
#this is presented as a joke#but like#this is legit#ill also take an older lesbian with a room to spare
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i just remembered i never did an intro post LMAOOO so this is gonna stand in for it for now!!!!
1. NOA!! (0v0) [i almost always type it in all caps so i implore anyone to do the same LOL]
2. I think this account is relatively fresh! i think its only a few months- a year old!
3. STRAWBERRIES 🫶🫶🫶🫶
4. GREEN TEA MY BELOVED! [actually maybe any herbal tea]
5. I am the middle child of three girls 😔
6. I have two [SOON TO BE THREE OMG!!!] AMAZING,GENTLE cats!!!!!
7. I am 15!!! turning 16 in the march of next year :]]
8. I am fluent in English and can hold a conversation in Irish! Im also learning French,Latin and ISL [as gradual hearing loss (usually capping off at around 25-30) runs in my family :) ]
9. definitely has to be Stranger Things!!!! (or gravity falls, my fav childhood show LOL) And any spiderman movie lol🫶
10. i like to listen to music,burn cds and read if i have any spare time! i also crochet a bit
11. i THINK im an ambivert, i usually match the vibe of the people around me! (for example, i have to be very outgoing and outspoken for one of my close friends as they have severe anxiety, and dont like talking to people outside of their close circle!)
12. if spotify is anything to go by, usually rock,indie pop and hiphop show us the most in my wrapped!
13. either New York (a basic pick i know LOL) or Canada! (id actually like to live in Canada when im REALLYYYYY older)
14. I wish i was better at reading a room 🙁 i often keep to myself when im with people i dont know because i fear i will say something and it wouldnt be the right time/thing to say 😭
15. depends on the app!! if its on whatsapp [as all my friends use that] ill be super quick! but i often have snapchat muted LOL so itll take me a while, instagram and iMessage is the same as whatsapp🫶 i try to be very quick as i dont want anyone to think im ignoring them!
16. no😔😔 id like to have a lower back tattoo tho! or a small star on my hand
17. LESBIAN RAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
18. i LOVEEEE reading!! Im currently reading The Goldfinch and it’s definitely one of my top picks so far! Good Omens was also quite good :)
19. I don’t believe i have, atleast from my perspective on romantic love, i definitely am head over heels platonically in love with all my friends tho 💙
20. single!! for now i wanna focus on my education and finding stability :3
21. yeah, NO CONTEXT!!
22. my 11th birthday party, it was the first time i had introduced my childhood friends (seperate groups) and they clicked so well!! (were all sosososo close to this day as a group this time!)
23. probably my younger sister smashing a plate on my knee (i still have a scar to this day) and then I got in trouble for “making her cry” 😔
24. i.am.TERRIFIED!!!of CRABS!!! DDDD: i can deal with spiders and snakes but CRABS!?!? id rather die than be in the same vicinity as a crab.
25. I think im both! i love waking up early and having quiet mornings to myself (or busy ones!! quiet is rare in my house lol) but i also LOVEEE the night, especially with friends!
26. 1,195! about 1k of those is photos of my friends and the rest is like byler LMAOOOO
27. I know this is for like fictional crushes but my best friend in like the whole entire universe \(-v-)/ he (yes,HE!! it was comphet i was 6 give me a break) is like the best and funniest person ive ever met and am PROUD i had a “crush” on him, even if it was bcuz of comphet lol
28. 110% HA, i love little moments and meaningful gestures, especially relationships where they just know the person top to bottom 💙⭐️
29. probably either a coffee date or a cute at-home dinner :)
30. oh lord here we go LOL
-cooking
-baking
-cleaning (dont dunk on me its relaxing)
-electric guitar
-skateboarding
-rollerblading
-crocheting
-would burning cds count as a hobby? im counting it.
-reading
-art! (painting,sketching,art murals,pottery,etc!)
-badminton,tennis,volleyball 🫶
WHOOP I THINK THATS IT!!!!!!! :33
Let your followers get to know you asks <3
What's your name?
For how long you have this account?
Favourite food?
Favourite drink?
Do you have any siblings?
Do you have pets?
How old are you?
How many languages do you know?
What's your all time favourite movie/tv show?
What are you enjoying to do in your free time?
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Your favourite music genres?
Your dream place to visit?
Something you wish you were better at?
How long do you take to respond to texts?
Do you have any tattoos? If not, would like to?
What's your sexuality?
Do you like reading? If yes what's your favourite book?
Have you ever been in love?
What's your relationship status?
Have you ever been heartbroken?
Best memory you could think of?
Worst memory you can think of?
Do you have any fears?
Are you a morning or a night person?
How many pictures you have on your phone?
Who was your favourite childhood crush?
Are you a romantic?
What’s your dream date?
What are your hobbies?
#get to know me#intro post#introduction#for now#evil face#theres definitely more#and its probably on my carrd lol
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do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness
i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known
putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two
ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!
Kylo Ren
Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry
Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.
A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.
A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.
A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.
A random headcanon: I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).
General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.
Armitage Hux
Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!
Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.
A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.
A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it
A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple
A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.
General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.
#im so unwell this is SO LONG#sam you did NOT sign up for this king im so so fucking sorry#star wars#huxposting#answered#i literally love you for sending this in im so sorry this is incoherent im in hell#tsukkimutual#kylux
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Murder is Bad Manners/Most Unladylike* by Robin Stevens
*The publishers are being cute again and changing the titles for oversea audiences...
Tea Recommendation: English Breakfast, with milk and sugar - this is a middle grade boarding school murder mystery! If you would like to read this and you are not a) 13 or b) in need of the anti-shock properties of milk and sugar-laced tea, forego it, and just make yourself a cup of nice plain black tea. It is also immensely important to acquire cookies for your bunbreak. Hazel likes chocolate and gingernut best, but I think I’d go with shortbread because, again, I am not thirteen.
I apologize in advance for the length - if you’re not interested in a lot of meta, skip to the end!
The year is 1934. Hazel, from Hong Kong, age thirteen and one year into her boarding school experience in England, loves learning, sweets, and her best friend, Daisy. Together, they form the Detective Society. It’s been all fun and games so far, with cases such as The Case of Lavinia’s Missing Tie, but then Hazel stumbles across the body of a teacher in the gym - and before she can show anyone else, the body disappears. Everyone thinks that Miss Bell has simply run away, but Hazel and Daisy know better, and are determined to solve the mystery and find the killer.
First off, I would like to thank @mirrormasque for recommending these books as the perfect antidote to the exhausting and stressful end of the school year. They are - sweet, well-written, charming, yet still complex enough to be interesting to readers above the intended age group. If you’re a fan of murder mysteries but struggle to find ones in the sweet spot between bleak and cloying, these ones land there pretty much perfectly.
What makes me love this book - and the ones that follow - so much is the way Stevens utilizes voice. Hazel, as a narrator, is perfect - she’s clever, observant, empathetic. But she’s also thirteen. What she sees, she often doesn’t understand, or doesn’t fully interpret, in ways that readers her age or younger will identify with.
Because of this, Stevens can be inclusive in natural, non-didactic ways. This book is replete with representation - Hazel is Chinese, there are lesbian and bisexual teachers, and there are students in lesbian relationships. In later books, and in this book to some extent, there are students with learning disabilities and students struggling with mental illness. While such inclusivity is a goal for many authors, it’s not easy to do smoothly, and that Stevens achieves it in a completely natural and unobtrusive fashion is impressive. That she manages to work in period-appropriate prejudices and simultaneously make it clear that being from another country or being interested in the same sex is also completely unexceptionable is astonishing.
As an example, when discussing the arrival of The One (the dashing new art teacher), Hazel writes in her case book, “You see, before this semester, the whole school knew that Miss Bell (our science teacher) and Miss Parker (our math teacher) had a secret. They lived together in Miss Parker’s little apartment in town, which had a spare room in it. The spare room was the secret. I did not understand when Daisy first told me about the spare room; now that we are in the eighth grade, though, of course I see exactly what it must mean.” Hazel still doesn’t truly understand, though she pretends she does, in the way of teenagers everywhere.
However, what her discussion of the labyrinthine relationships between the teachers reveals is this: as far as the school is concerned, this secret is no more astonishing than The One’s subsequent clandestine relationships with Miss Bell and Miss Hopkins, the athletics instructor. Any two teachers in a relationship is a bit of juicy gossip. Yet the adult world and the student world are inherently distinct; everything that happens in the adult world is exotic, but other standards apply amongst the students. There’s a clear distinction made between girls who have “pashes” on each other and girls who are genuinely in love - the first is accepted as part of normal boarding school behavior, and the second is a secret that can damage the reputations of the students involved - and both Hazel and Daisy are explicitly confused about what the difference is. Their lack of understanding and experience with regard to sexuality allow them to identify the hypocrisies inherent in the standards presented to them in a way that feels very natural and observational, rather than didactic.
This does lead to Hazel coming off as pretty immature, however. Hazel reads as a couple of years younger than her canonical age, and I’m on the fence about it. It’s necessary for Hazel and Daisy to be a little older than the target demographic because they are literally solving murders. However, Hazel’s voice is appropriate for the 10-12 age range, which is where the book is aimed. From an audience perspective, it makes sense, but as an older reader, it can be jarring. Her immaturity can be rationalized away - she’s a very sheltered kid, and it was a different time - but since the book also spends a certain amount of time working with the uneasy intersection between the adult and child worlds, it can seem a little counterproductive. However, it may also be key to Daisy and Hazel’s characterization, and to the game the book is based around.
It’s clear from the beginning that initially, the Detective Society is imaginative play. The year before, they had the Pacifism Society and the Spiritualism Society, and this year, since Daisy’s gotten into detective fiction, they’re playing at being detectives. Imaginative play is a huge part of childhood, but it’s also something that starts phasing out around middle school (and certainly high school) as adult life starts both intruding more and becoming more desirable. However, unlike the previous societies, the Detective Society is secret - only Daisy and Hazel are engaged in this game. It’s suggested that it’s because they’re best friends and they don’t want anyone else in on it, but there’s an implication, as well, that the other girls might not take it seriously. When, later in the series, some of the other girls do participate, it becomes clear that it wasn’t much of a secret - and that they weren’t especially interested in it. Their later participation is contingent upon the initial success of the Detective Society, and the later necessity (there’s another murder, of course) of participation (here, it recontextualizes the murder as a game for the other girls, and so makes it safe, as well as controlled).
That Daisy and Hazel are so invested in it is a sign of their immaturity; that Daisy is, as always, the instigator, is a key insight into their dynamics at the beginning of the series. The inequality of their relationship is obvious from the first - although there are only two members of the Detective Society, Daisy has declared herself the president - and Hazel the secretary. There’s no reason at all that Hazel couldn’t be co-president or vice-president of this two-person team, but Daisy does not even admit this as a possibility. Initially, I felt like this should rankle more with Hazel, but it becomes evident fairly quickly that the need for control is integral to Daisy’s character and Hazel is friend enough to let her have it unless the stakes are high enough to warrant protest.
That does not mean that their friendship is unproblematic. From the beginning, Hazel refers to Daisy as “perfect.” Not the perfect English schoolgirl - she’s careful to point out that though Daisy pretends to be the game-for-everything girl that everyone at school wants to be and, failing that, wants to be friends with, she is not, in fact, what she pretends to be. She is wearing a mask to fit in - but whether she’s wearing the mask or not, she still puts herself in a place of power over Hazel.
Storybook-schoolgirl Daisy is cream-and-roses pretty, old money, funny (but not too funny), always up for a prank and a midnight feast, and infinitely popular. In contrast, Hazel is the new girl, and even worse, she’s foreign. Real Daisy is sharply intelligent, impatient, secretive, and controlling. She calls herself Holmes and Hazel, Watson - and the comparison, as far as she’s concerned, is very apt. Take Sherlock Holmes and transform him into a British schoolgirl in the 1930s, and you get Daisy Wells. Why, at least in this first book, is unclear - we simply see that this is how Daisy is, and that Hazel accepts her for who she is, even when it means letting Daisy diminish her.
Hazel, as chronicler, is on the surface much like canonical Watson. Loyal, empathetic, and cautious, she’s as intelligent as Daisy, but less assertive. Part of that is because she knows that her acceptance at the school has been contingent upon her friendship with Daisy. Hazel is very aware that she is different from the other girls, and while she doesn’t dwell on it, it does inform many of her behaviors. She learns to don a mask from Daisy, to pretend that she is not as intelligent as she is, not as different. For her, being Daisy’s friend, instead of Daisy being hers, is a form of protective camouflage.
However clear-eyed Hazel is about Daisy, and about their relationship, Daisy’s consistent diminishment of her combines with her own uncertainty about her appearance and leaves Hazel feeling inferior to Daisy much of the time. Hazel was raised in an extraordinarily Anglophilic environment, and has grown up seeing girls like Daisy as the ideal of what a girl should be. Being Daisy’s friend puts her in constant comparison with Daisy - she is quiet, she is not athletic, she is not popular, and most of all, she is not thin and blonde and blue-eyed. While she is confident in her own intellectual capacity and perfectly happy contradicting Daisy when she feels Daisy has, once again, jumped to a conclusion, she is not confident in her body. I blame her dad for that, personally - he’s very sure that Hazel is the smartest, most logical, most morally upright child around, but oh boy does he love him some British everything. It’ll be interesting to see what Stevens does with Hazel’s self-image as she grows up more - in the last book I read, it’s starting to become more of a problem as romantic interests start popping up, and I imagine that in the other three books that are out that are NOT AVAILABLE IN THE US WTF, we get to see even more of that.
The relationship between the two girls is the most interesting part of the book for me, but the other characters are well-drawn, and the plot is solid. So far, I’ve always been able to identify the murderer before the girls do, but in my book, that’s a good thing - I’m thirty, and it means that Stevens is acting in good faith and putting in all the clues. A proper mystery has to be solvable by the reader - if the author holds back the one clue you need to solve the case, it’s cheating! The framing of the story - that it’s a case book - is cute, if not at all convincing, and the ways in which it is a case book will be appealing to young readers, though I find the interruption of the suspect lists to be a little annoying, since we’ve usually just discussed why we’re ruling a suspect out right before we get the list... explaining why we’ve ruled the suspect out.
In that the book is deeply respectful of its readers’ intelligence, it reminds me of Diana Wynne Jones, which makes sense, because Stevens mentions her as one of her favorite authors. According to Jones, writing for young readers is much harder than writing for adults, because kids are so deeply immersed in texts that they pick up on everything, whereas adults need things said two or three times to get it. That ethos is evident in this book is well - it does not condescend to its reader, and because of that, it is enjoyable for all readers, not just for the target demographic.
The last thing I want to mention, since I'm not going to do this for all the books in the series, is that the same thoughtfulness and subtlety about prejudices inherent in the time period (and today...) is also present with regard to historical events and movements in later books, especially the rise of the Nazi party and the remnants of imperialism. It’s pretty great!
tl;dr - a cute murder mystery with complex character relationships, a solvable but satisfyingly complex plot, and diverse characters! Highly recommend. Trigger warnings for murder, blood, unhealthy friendship, but honestly, it’s all appropriate for middle-grade readers.
Amazon - free to read with Kindle Unlimited!
Goodreads
#robin stevens#book review#murder is bad manners#murder is most unladylike#wells and wong#tw: death#tw: unhealthy friendship
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looking at instagram
There are hazy pictures of children having fun in spring-green new grass, the sun or maybe the filter sparkling. A photo of a man laughing, relaxed, he's wearing a soft cotton shirt, and it's not wrinkled. Dynamic black and white photos of people my acquaintance knows, a coworker, herself, their skin texture looks like granite, like muslin, like acrylic sculpting medium, like something under lights that's very "Interesting," to men in glasses holding wine and pontificating like bowerbirds strutting over little pebbles and bits of fur.
I'm angry. I look like dough, like a laundry pile at the end of a week, maybe two. I'm custard piled on itself, dingy men's shorts pulled up way too high over the bottom dollop. Nobody's captivated by my pock marks or my uneven peach fuzz. I look like who my mom was afraid I was going to be, except I'm not even that exciting, I'm a monster made of felt cut out by shaky kindergarten hands and unraveling tape. Dandruff gets under my fingers when I scratch my head. There's no social media where I can post the sensation of my stomach gurgling after I eat fistfuls of mozzarella from the fridge, and nobody would Like it anyway. When I shave my head there is no confident, bold, sharp picture I can take, tattooed and muscular arm curved up over my new haircut to casually hold the phone. There's just tiny bits of hair in the bathroom rug and yellow light that makes my face look puffier than I thought it was.
I feel the bile rise in my throat. So-and-so bought a house, my sister bought a house, friend after friend after friend is having a dinner party, moving to California, getting married at a place with "Estate" in the name. There's pictures, lots of pictures, of breezy nights and big smiles, a colorful world of delight and ease, everything I wanted from life incarnated in the bodies of straight people and lesbians prettier and happier than me. I pull a piece of cat hair out of my teeth and listen to the neighbors shouting at each other on the street, and I imagine what it would be like if my body didn't ache, didn't feel like a jumble of nonsense the consistency of dogshit and balsa wood. My apartment smells like mold. I make nine-sixty-something an hour after taxes. I don't know how to use Instagram because at twenty-whatever I've managed to become both old and out of touch, but I do know how to let Instagram make me feel bad.
In the photo, a guy I know looks rugged, cheeky, like a man with a story to tell but who might pull a quarter out from behind your ear instead. In reality, he's an old gay guy who both lurches and flops about at the same time, his too-large T-shirts hanging off his hunched shoulders. When he's feeling sprightly, he does a little ungainly but joyful Charleston, a grin on his face goofier than his little kicks, which show off the dirty bottoms of his fluorescent Converse shoes. I see him a lot in the back office at work or the break room, which are dim and yellow, making his ruddy face and greying stubble an undifferentiated jowly mass. But this guy also has lots of pictures of his own, that he shows me sometimes, of himself when young, with friends all dressed up in alternative 80s gear, all eyeliner and teased white hair. He smiles when he flips through the pictures. I don't know what he is remembering. I see a lot of cool people I've never met; he tells me this picture was even used in an ad for a local fashion hotspot back in the day. Then, swiping up and down with his fingers, still smiling but using a tone of voice that's a particularly terrifying variety of cheerful sarcasm, he tells me most of the people in these pictures are dead.
He knows I know why.
When I scroll through that woman's Instagram I am angry, maybe, because there's nobody to see me, nobody to remember what I did. The endless dullness that characterizes my days is not something I myself remember; I have the barest sense at all, even, that it is too dull for memory. There is something particularly disgusting to me that this is how most women have lived their lives, a parade of dishes and diapers, the inside of their heads taken up by minutiae about the state of the carpet and lists of birthdays. I've fallen headfirst into it, softly, like a particularly cushy pie on a grandmother's windowsill or the pillowy bosom of a schoolmarm. As a child I was particularly offended I was not noticed for who I was, or who I thought myself to be, at least, and what my mom did manage to notice was a nitpicking ritual of continual impropriety; what was on the floor but shouldn't be, what spot I missed on the counter with a sponge, which hairs were out of place and what crumbs were in the corners of my lips, what smile wasn't on my face and when. In retrospect I don't know if I was more offended on my behalf or hers, and if I was a selfish little shit about it whether I was more enraged by the idea that I was lost under her omnipresent fussing or that my proper development into a woman involved filling my head with such an eye.
I used to scream at her that I would not become like her, and I guess I didn't. I'm gay, for one, and live in a city, full of the types of people she imagines when she neurotically checks and rechecks the locks on her doors. I don't have children, a husband, a credit card, a mortgage, but I do have what I never wanted from the legacy of women, which is enormous spans of time where I fiddle with a sponge, a spoon, tiny meaningless papers, buttons on a cash register. As a child-- and embarrassingly, as an adult ill-prepared for reality-- I screamed because I insisted by the declaration of my lungs that my life would be different, it would be about intensity, perceptiveness, truth, integrity, adventures, journeys, big huge concepts that would bowl me over and spill out of me like a living mystic channeling forces of the universe. I used to read for hours and hours as a child, usually epic fantasy or science fiction I probably shouldn't have been allowed to put into my prepubescent brain; sometimes I used to hang upside down off the couch and read upside down just for the hell of it, to shake my world up a bit. I moved onto philosophy and hours of mopey music through headphones in the dark when I got older. I was delusional about what my life would be like, about what life would make me into. The big huge concept that would end up bowling me over was mediocrity, mundaneness, the stuff men on Reddit call women "vapid" for.
Hannah Arendt was a really smart woman, the kind of woman I thought I might be someday. She said a whole lot of shit that was really deep, and when I was still chasing the highs of thinking that there were neat-o discoveries to be made in this world that made you Somebody to see them, I thought that "the banality of evil" was the most profound thing I ever heard. When I encountered it for real it wasn't profound, just banal indeed. Evil is soul-sucking in a special fucking way, it sucks the life out of you in the way that alcohol shuts off first the part of your brain that lets you know you're drunk. Something's gone and you're all screwed up about it but you're gone in a way that won't let you know what left, there's just rage disguised as irritability and crud on the counter and a bus that doesn't show up. Sometimes you get to look right into the sucking hole, a yawning abyss of multi-generational societal depravity and institutional apathy, when you're sitting next to a homeless woman on a bench downtown with legs so swollen she couldn't go anywhere even if she had someplace to go. I gave her five dollars on most days of my commute because I hoped at least she could eat something, and she deserved the dignity of being seen by somebody, but honestly she needed somewhere to sleep and a bunch of somebodies to do something about her health. A lot of fucking evil had to happen to a lot of people for buildings full of suits to exist on the same block as this lady. A lot of fucking evil had to happen for people to accept this as normal.
What evil has to happen for women to accept their lot, whether it's accepting that the cumulative buzz of your life-inspiration be directed towards holding up a glass in a particularly enrapturing photo on Instagram, or whether it's accepting that you're gonna have to spend another night on the bench? I cry sometimes knowing that no one will remember my mother; all she will leave behind is a gravestone next to a man's and a legacy of psychological scars on her daughters, who nobody will bother to remember either. My mother's life is worth a book or two, but I couldn't get it out of her even if I tried. I don't think my mom even knows she has a story, just petty dramas she tries to escalate into a validation that she hasn't disappeared yet because she can hurt somebody. I don't know the homeless lady's story or how she ended up begging on a bench downtown each day. I hope with all my heart she finds a place to live out her life, a little home where she can use a scooter and have enough to eat, where five dollars isn't the difference between confirmation of the world's cruelty and God's presence. She showed me a video once on her phone of a preacher that she followed, a woman who she said she saw at a big church event in the South; she could go places once, and I don't know how she ended up so she couldn't go anywhere anymore. Maybe she doesn't know-- maybe when you can't go anywhere anymore the point is that you don't think you got there and you don't think you're getting out, you're just there right now, but also always were and somehow forever will be. Maybe you're watching buses go by all damn day and feeling your tongue go numb from saying "spare a dollar", or maybe your finger's getting red from wiping the snot under your kid's nose, time passing only when the tissues are gone. They don't take shots of this shit. There's no filter for "life's over, but not yet."
I wish what I felt could become great art, maybe even just shitty art, that it could mean something, that I was something; dudes have generations of scholarship-worship trailing behind them because they wrote paeans to being existentially bored, because they discovered what it's like to look at a damn soup can and slapped it in a museum. Maybe I'm just jealous, but, you know, I used to stock groceries, and I spent a lot of my time looking at damn soup cans. I think I now know why Val shot him.
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Useless Lesbianism at its finest ; or how Hecate Hardbroom really, really cannot tell platonic friendships from decades-old pining
Spoiler alert : Pippa isn’t that much better, honestly.
I don’t own the Worst Witch. Also this takes place before the finale, or the finale and a New Dawn just never happened. My personal headcanon is that there is a special potion for the worst criminals in the WW universe, which strips them from their magic (it’s basically their version of the Death Sentence).
Hecate Hardbroom terrifies even the older years sometimes, using a cultivated image that has taken years and years to build. Nearly everything about her, from her austere dresses to her low drawl is meant to terrify the girls into behaving, into making sure that the accidents are kept down to a manageable level.
Some of the girls are met with her disapproval and anger more than others. Some, like Mildred Hubble or Enid nightshade, are almost used to ( in as much as you get used to it) her barbed comments. Others, like Ethel Hallow, are spared almost the entirety of HB’s anger and disapproval.
Not this time. This time, Hecate isn’t just exasperated or “astounded by the sheer ineptitude”. The girls have never seen her like this, and they all hope they never have to again. It is as if everyone has been struck by a Medusa spell, and their expressions are properly terrified. Even Ethel’s usual arrogance is faltering, although she is too stubborn to actually admit it yet.
“ Miss… Hallow “ Hecate finally says, and several people flinch. Hecate isn’t even raising her voice but her tone is honestly poisonous. Ethel swallows, opens her mouth to say something- and is transferred away before she can say anything. Felicity stares at the spot where her friend used to be.
“Miss -?” Felicity starts to ask in a trembling voice, but miss Hardbroom cuts her off.
“ She is in miss Cackle’s office. I trust you had nothing to do with … this?”
“N-no miss Hardbroom” Felicity manages.
Hecate ignores her, and walks over to Mildred. She is still supported by Maud and Enid, who caught her when she suddenly stumbled and lost consciousness. She looks like she is having a particularly bad fever; her hair is sticking to her face by sweat, her eyes are rolling beneath nearly-closed eyelids and her cheeks are very flushed. There are some spots of lime green potion on her clothes from when she dropped the spoon in her cauldron.
“ The class is dismissed”
Enid and Maud wrench their eyes away from their best friend for a moment. “Miss- “ she doesn’t allow them to finish, but forces herself to take the girl from her friend’s hold and transfers them both into the infirmary. She immediately allows the medi-witch to take Mildred from her as she comes rushing towards them, irritated look rapidly morphing into concern.
“Miss Hardbroom?”
“ We have a situation. Ethel Hallow has put .. – “ she shows the medi-witch the vial she has had in her right hand since Felicity cracked and admitted that Ethel had put something in Mildred’s orange juice, I don’t know what, miss Hardbroom, and that is why Mildred had suddenly become so ill.
“ this in Mildred Hubble’s orange juice” she doesn’t have to say the name, as the potion is instantly recognizable, and any half-competent medi-witch would recognize it from the distinctive colour alone- it looks like melted silver bars.
“ The Vanitate potion” she says, staring at it with plain horror. “ How would that girl even get access to its ingredients, it is only made when- “
“ The Hallows never cared much for the rules” Hecate just says, remembering a moment in her fourth year of witching school where Ursula Hallow had merely raised her eyebrow and laughed when Pippa had spat against her that harming another witch like that was against the Code. There are things stronger than the code, such as real power.
Miss Grace is bending over Mildred, checking her pulse. “How much did she imbibe?”
“ 240 millilitres”
“ Did she- “
“ She seemed to have followed the recipe perfectly”
“ Figures. What is wrong with that girl?”
Hecate would like to think Ethel Hallow would not be a nuisance the way she is now if Mildred Hubble was not at Cackle’s academy, but the truth is that the girl is altogether too much like her mother.
The sound of running, and the door slamming open, cuts off Hecate’s answer. Maud and Enid stumble inside, completely ignoring Hecate’s sharp reprimand and crowding around Mildred’s bed.
“Millie!”
“ Girls. I did not give you permission to barge in here like uncivilized – “
“That’s all right, miss Hardbroom” the medi-witch interrupts, rolling her eyes. She looks at Enid and Maud. “ You can stay, but only if you keep out of the way, all right” Hecate looks at her with horror, and walks over to her, leaning in just enough that she can hear the soft whisper Hecate uses to speak.
“ Considering the…. Situation, is it wise to allow them to stay here?”
“ You have been teaching for decades Hecate Hardbroom, all that will accomplish is these girls destroying my infirmary to get to their friend again” she ignores Hecate’s affronted look, and marches over to a cabinet in the corner. She waves her hand, and takes several vials from it before marching over to a table and putting them down.
As she is measuring ingredients, the door slam open again, and Hecate flinches badly again. Before she can gather her wits enough to think of a scathing remark, it registers who the second person barging in is, and she completely loses her natural gift of pointed barbs when looking into the brown, worried eyes of one Pippa Pentangle.
“Miss… Pentangle” she says, as soon as she has miraculously recovered her ability to speak. She doesn’t mean to sound quite so distant and awkward and well, herself, but old longing makes her usual dusty social abilities worse than ever.
Pippa looks up from her place next to Julie Hubble, and manages a smile at her. Hecate doesn’t catch it, as she is too focused on where the Hubble woman is being awfully familiar, with her hand- the one that isn’t reaching for her daughter- in Pippa’s. With every passing second, she notices more about the two women- about how Julie is leaning slightly against Pippa, how Pippa is not dressed in her usual witching robes, but an old t-shirt with the words “….” , how Pippa’s hair is up in a very messy ponytail and she is not wearing any make-up. Her thoughts are racing, each one more painful than the last and-
A soft touch to her arm makes her jump. When she looks to her right, Pippa is standing to her. A quick glance away reveals that while Hecate was lost in her own thoughts, miss Hubble has walked over to the medi-witch and is talking to her in a hushed voice.
“Are you all right, Hiccup?” Pippa asks carefully.
“I am fine, miss Pentangle” she says stiffly, shoulders drawn tight and failing to focus on her breathing instead of .. whatever she feels observing Pippa and Ms Hubble being so familiar. “ I was unaware that you and Ms Hubble were this familiar” she does not intend to sound almost revolted, she really doesn’t, but decades of forcing herself to keep her foolish, disastrous feeling for Pippa Pentangle at bay has made being disdainful around Pippa almost a reflex.
There is a brief fleeting moment where Pippa’s eyes flash with anger, before she pushes it down. “ I am aware of your opinion on non-magical people, but Julie is a lovely woman and I, for that matter, am able to choose my friends without requiring your permission”
Pippa is staring at her, chin jilted up and that familiar defiant gleam in her eyes that almost makes Hecate smile. She had always been equally fond and exasperated by Pippa’s stubbornness, and there is something painful and at the same time warm in her chest at the thought that Pippa is still so willing to defend her friends.
Pippa finally breaks the eye contact, leaving Hecate’s stomach feeling as though she has mistakenly touched a fresh batch of Aruncus Dioicus. She walks over to Julie again, and Hecate watches as she hugs Julie and tells her something that makes the woman smile very briefly. Hecate looks at the door, wondering if she ought to leave or-
“Miss Hardbroom” Aye calls her name, so she walks over stiffly and looks down at the table littered with flasks, ground flower petals, very old pages that look more like papyrus than paper and potion equipment. The woman nods at the table across, which is nearly empty. “ You do the part that requires the stamping, I will mix the ingredients already”
Hecate merely nods, making everything she needs appear with a simple wave of her hand. She rolls up her sleeves and gets to work, allowing herself to get lost in the repetitive motions, the weighing and measuring of ingredients, the careful cutting of seeds and petals and the collection of the more macabre (although Hecate is so used to it, that she hardly blinks when cutting up frog’s liver) parts.
The sparse, stuttering comments of Mildred’s friends, the answers of the medi-witch to ms. Hubble’s questions, Pippa’s familiar, soft voice- it is all drowned out as she works, tirelessly grinding petals, carefully adding just enough unicorn’s tears, stirring it clockwise thirteen times and heating it all to exactly 73 degrees. By the time she looks up, her table is just as crowded (although more organized) as Aye’s, and her arms are aching slightly.
When she looks around the room, her throat closes unexpectedly. Enid and Maud are huddled around Mildred, sleeping while still holding each other. Enid, usually a sort of whirlwind, is sprawled across the bed and very still. Maud, usually the rational one amongst her friends, mutters nearly feverishly under her breath. Julie is slumped in the chair, nearly asleep but still staring at her daughter with red eyes. Pippa is sitting next to her, sometimes stroking her hair or squeezing her hand.
Hecate stretches awkwardly, freezing when Pippa looks up at her and just stares at her for a moment. There are bags under her brown eyes, but they are still observant, and Hecate shivers in the all-too familiar way. She has been astounded, confused, weary and pained because of Pippa’s focus on her, and the effect of those eyes on her has never really lessened.
She flinches when Aye grabs her arm for a moment, mutters “ you will spell a witch sooner with potions than with empty flattery, or staring, Hecate Hardbroom” and walks away to presumably do something useful as they wait for the potion to be completed. She hesitates for only a moment before quickly walking over to Pippa, and summoning the pepper-up potion she keeps in her nightstand.
“ Here”
Pippa looks at it, then takes it carefully. “ I loathe taking these” she glances at Mildred. “ But I suppose I have little choice, don’t I?”
As she takes careful sips from the potion, Hecate quickly formulates and disregards three different ways to apologize, before swallowing and forcing the words out. “ I should not have judged the relationship between you and Ms Hubble the way I did. It was unprofessional”
Pippa smiles. “ That’s a shoddy excuse of an apology, Hiccup” before Hecate has time to react (rudely, or “unprofessionally”) to it, she shrugs and says “ But I forgive you, and I apologize for my reaction”
“That is hardly necessary. You were merely defending a … friend” Pippa glances sharply at her at the way she speaks the word “friend”, but Hecate can hardly explain that it isn’t (not completely) that Ms Hubble is Ordinary, but the fact that she struggles with Pippa having all these people in her life, people more colourful, more relaxed, more sociable than Hecate could ever be. People so suited to Pippa’s warm personality, and exuberant character. People Hecate could never hope to compete with, never thought she could compete with- exactly the kind of people that Hecate thought would be much more suited to be Pippa’s friend, make her much happier.
Perhaps Pippa doesn’t completely misunderstand (although just the idea that she would know the complete reason, makes Hecate feel like that time her father had discovered she had foregone an hour of studying to stargaze with Pipa) because she just sighs slightly, and hands Hecate the potion back with a smile. “ I have always been rather defensive of my friends”
They’re both standing in almost companionable silence for a while before Pippa asks “ is the girl finally going to be expelled now?”. Hecate is almost surprised by the steel in Pippa’s voice, and all the edges, before she remembers that in their fifth year, someone had made the mistake of making the usual hateful comments towards Hecate in front of Pippa. The same edge had been in Pippa’s voice as she had first punched the girl hard enough to throw her to the ground, and then had loomed over her, words quickly reducing the girl to a terrified, wailing mess. Hecate had mistaken her own breathlessness in that moment for fear or adrenalin but she later discovered there just was something incredibly attractive about Pippa assertive like that.
“ I certainly hope so” Hecate admits
Pippa looks at Mildred again. “Hope isn’t good enough, Hiccup. This is not merely a gross violation of the Code, it is more than that”
“Pippa-“ the breath is knocked out of Hecate when Pippa looks up at her, and there’s tears in her eyes.
“Imagine how you would feel if someone were to attempt to douse the magic in you”
Hecate does not necessarily want to. Perhaps magic is too connected to her father’s expectations, to his strictness, and his refusal to allow her to prioritize anything apart from her magical studies. Perhaps it is too connected to her name’s heritage, to a dozen generations of Hardbroom successes and her father’s mistakes that sullied the Hardbroom name, and made the terror connected with almost too much magical power, too fervent study of the craft, solidify into sheer hatred. But still, magic is something precious to Hecate. It has always been there, has always made the hard time just slightly easier, gave her something else to focus on apart from her mother leaving her and her father’s mistakes. Just the thought of losing it feels as though as frostgiant has reached into her ribcage, and closed a fist around her heart.
“The girl will be expelled” Hecate doesn’t know why the sudden certainty, and the willingness to give up one of her least incompetent students, comes from. “I will personally see to it, Pippa”
Pippa stares at her, but Hecate doesn’t think her expression is one of surprise. “ Then I know it will happen” she smiles, and Hecate can’t regret the rare impulsive promise, because Morgana’s cauldron.
And then she feels like she might actually bless that impulsive decision, because she is hugging Pippa again, and it seems that her body is always starved for that (also very rare). Pippa still smells perfect, the smell of petrichor and a hint of flowers, nothing like the too-heavy scents so many witches favour which Hecate despises. Her arms encircle Hecate perfectly and she is one of the few people whose hugs do not feel stifling.
“ Thank you” she whispers, then slowly pulls back. Before Hecate can feel that loss, her cheeks flush beneath warm lips that press to her cheek for one, two, three seconds and then very slowly leave. She decides not to say anything, less she completely embarrasses herself by – Goddess forbid- stammering.
She clears her throat, nods, and makes up some excuse about needing to talk to Ada. When she has left the room, she realizes her excuse is actually true; she probably does need to talk to Ada. So she transfers herself to her friend’s office, and find her friend with a very unusual stormy expression. Ada usually remains cheery, or at least friendly, under the worst conditions, but today, her expression is nearly enough to make Hecate flinch and transfer away.
She walks over to stand next to Ada, returning her nod, and starts to make tea. As she is adding the ludicrous amount of sugar Ada takes in her tea, the woman breaks the silence. “ I have mirrored her parents. Mister Hallow was the slightly more reasonable of the two”
“ What were their reactions?” Ada doesn’t even smile at Hecate, which tells Hecate how Ada is at least as exhausted as she is.
Ada sighs. “ It is awful of me to say, but I am surprised that with parents like that, young Sybil and Esmeralda turned out the way they did. Ethel is the only child in that family that is anything like the parents”
“unfortunately so, yes” Hecate drawls. Silences between them are hardly ever uncomfortable, Ada being one of the few people that knows Hecate, and doesn’t get offended when she needs silence or makes the usual mistakes she makes when there is any kind of social interaction (professionality has always been something easy, instinctual; anything else is as foreign to Hecate as Ada’s hugs-and-cakes approach to education).
This silence, however, is tense. Hecate knows Ada well enough that the situation is affecting her immensely, and that she requires gentle words or a soft touch. Neither are Hecate’s forte, far from it, but she can try.
She takes a step towards Ada, lays a hand on the other woman’s shoulder. “ The girl’s faults are her own, Ada. They are hardly a reflection of your abilities as headmistress, and the fact that we have Mildred.. Hubble running amok hardly improves the situation”
“ You have to stop blaming that girl, Hecate”
“ I am not blaming her, Ada. I am just concerned, surely you have noticed Mildred’s aptitude to attract trouble, and to completely ignore the consequences of her actions “
Ada puts her tea down, and sighs. There is a piece of cheesecake on her desk, but she doesn’t even look at it. “ If I know anything about Ursula Hallow, she will not let this matter go quietly”
“ We cannot allow her actions to remain unpunished again, Ada”
“ I quite agree Hecate, but if we are not very careful, it could mean the end of Cackle’s”.
And Ada is right, of course she is, it is why Ethel has lied and cheated and done far worse and is still enjoying her place at Cackle’s, and Hecate feels her magic protest uncomfortably beneath her skin at the thought of another Hallow getting away with near sociopathic behaviour. But the Hallows have always managed to hide their true nature behind empty pleasantry, have always wielded philanthropy as a weapon and justified their cruelty by attacking the character of their victims. Hecate had once known first-hand just how practised the Hallow family is in taking care of scandals, quietly and with frightening efficiency. Hecate might be one of the most-respected members in her field, but respect does not equal popularity, and unless Ursula would be reckless enough to suddenly challenge her to a duel, it matters nought that Hecate’s magical skills have always been superior.
They sit in the office for a long time, sipping their tea in tense silence.
Pippa is staying, Julie Hubble has moved into the infirmary and wrestling a dragon would’ve been easier than convincing Ada that Enid and Maud could not miss their chanting courses. She hasn’t slept for three days, Mrs Hallow has already threatened (in a very indirect way and with a smile that had Hecate’s skin crawling) her, Ada and virtually every teacher she ran into during her visit. Pippa is staying. She has had to balance grading, lesson plans and aiding Aye with the potion for Mildred, has taken Wide-Awake potion enough times that her supply for two months has been depleted and she has been left alone with Jullie Hubble (and an unconscious Mildred Hubble) not just one, but three excruciating times. Pippa is staying.
She walks into the infirmary, her usual check-up before her class of the day starts, when she stumbles and strong arms quickly catch her.
“Hiccup, are you all right?” Pippa is staying, and her presence is more of a health hazard than the overdose of Wide-Awake potion in some ways, her kind brown eyes more dizzying than sleep deprivation, and her voice still makes Hecate want to –
“ I- yes, fine” she manages to pull herself together, and attempts to escape Pippa’s embrace. Pippa’s arms just tighten around her, and before she knows what is happening or she can talk Pippa out of it( Pippa just rolls her eyes, and ignores her when she tries), she being half-carried away from the infirmary.
“I have classes in fifteen minutes” she protests
“ I already informed Ada you would not be teaching today Hiccup. Honestly, you look like you’ve cast your last spell, the girls will hardly benefit from you working yourself sick. Now sit down, I will make you some tea”
By this time, they had arrived in the room that was Pippa’s for as long as she was staying. Hecate had been here once before, during one of the excruciating moments she had been alone with Julie and the other woman had asked for Pippa and finally given Hecate a reason to hightail out of there. Still, she had never been there long enough to observe the small changes Pippa had made, and she was quietly observing them as she was pushed down gently on a sofa.
Pippa hands her a cup of tea, then returns to the small table next to the window. “ Have you had a proper breakfast today, Hiccup?”
Hecate sniffs. “ Toast and marmalade is perfectly acceptable, thank you”
Pippa smiles “ I haven’t had breakfast yet, so will you eat a bit more even if it is to make me feel less self-conscious?”
Hecate hesitates ; she wasn’t a fan of the sort of breakfast she knew miss Drill partook in, but nods after a look at Pippa’s hopeful expression. “ That would be acceptable”
She is rewarded with a bright smile, and Pippa dashing over to press a quick kiss to her cheek that has her stomach nearly reject her sober breakfast. She hopes the flush she was feeling wasn’t too noticeable, or that Pippa would ascribe it to the temperature (certainly higher than Hecate was used to) of the room.
Before Hecate can truly make a fool of herself, and accidentally hurt Pippa again with one of her barbs, Pippa starts talking again while she prepares breakfast. “ I am aware that using magic for this is less complicated, but the quality is always effected when you do that. And I hardly think it is fair to trouble Cackle’s staff even more, they have been so very kind in letting me stay here, and helping me coordinate my stay with my duties at Pentangle’s”
Hecate swallows a mouthful of tea. “Fortunately, the holidays are almost upon us”
Pippa sighed happily. “ Fortunate indeed. Staying here will be far less complicated as soon as the schoolyear at Pentangle’s has ended”
Hecate attempts to discreetly hide her choking on her tea. “ You.. will be staying – “ she coughs, once “ for the duration of the holidays?”
“Yes, I have already discussed it with Ada. As Mildred will not be able to return home immediately, I offered Julie that I would stay to help her”
“I.. see” Hecate touched her watch with her right hand, but it did not bring the usual calm. Her stomach continued to behave as though a band of especially rambunctious leprechauns was throwing a party in it.
“You know, I truly believe you and Julie could become friends” Pippa turns around and rolls her eyes teasingly as Hecate doesn’t manage to suppress a sneer.
“ I doubt that” she sips her tea, and adds the word to lessen the blow “ Pipsqueak”
“ Julie is very knowledgeable of Ordinary medicine, which is actually similar to the art of potions. And she might be less organized than you Hiccup, but she is still a great deal more organized than I. You will find that she keeps all of Mildred’s early pictures very well organized, for example”
Hecate smirks. “ It hardly takes effort to be more organized than you, Pipsqueak”
Pippa looks like she is going to protest, then laughs. “Well, I can hardly argue differently, as we are standing in my room” they both glance at the chaos ; at the papers in shuffled stacks on Pippa’s desk, the books that appear to have been thrown on her bed and on the ground next to it, the clothes hanging over chairs( Hecate wills her cheeks to return to their original colour when she spots a piece of lingerie next to Pippa’s bed).
“… although in my defence, I have had precious little time to organize this mess” Hecate realizes she has been distracted, distracted enough that she had missed most of what Pippa had said. She touches her watch again.
“ Am I supposed to believe you ever organize?”
“ I’ve told you, there is organization to this chaos. I can find anything I need” Pippa protests.
Hecate just arches her eyebrows slightly, and Pippa rolls her eyes again, walking over with eggs, bacon, toast and even donuts. Hecate stares at the donuts with extra scorn.
“ Pleas explain to me this miraculous system. Why is there an ancient book of runes thrown on your bed, or why are you using a dried flower as a bookmark? I assume that there is a good reason that the clothes you have worn yesterday are thrown over a chair, and that the clothes of the day before that are covering some of the papers you still need to correct, and- “ Hecate’s eyes widen and she splutters when Pippa shoves a donut in her mouth with a very mischievous smile.
“ Eat hiccup, you’re still more bones than flesh”
Hecate finally decides that eating the sugary contraption is superior to choking. But only barely. Pippa chuckles when she catches the way Hecate is glaring at her, and plucks the remaining piece of donut from her hand to practically devour it. And then-
She licks her fingers, slowly and without looking away from Hecate. Who stands abruptly, mutters something disdainful about “donuts for breakfast, honestly” and transfers to her classroom, to do her actual job. Or tries to, because she finds Dimitry there.
“ so you – “ Dimitry cuts herself up and focuses on Hecate as soon as she appears. “ Miss Hardbroom, I thought you had taken ill?”
“ I am fine” even though the room is tilting slightly.
“ You don’t look fine” Dimitry says, casting a quick look over her.
“ I am- “
“ Girls, read the instructions one more time. If I hear something, I will have you all do ten push-ups” and then she has the nerve to grasp Hecate’s arm, and pull her outside the classroom.
“ Miss Drill- “
“Listen, you look like you’re halfway down to Hades already and I have strict instructions from one pink witch to not allow you to talk your way into the classroom “
“ I hardly think that Ada – “
Dimitry grins. “ Nope. Pippa Pentangle has personally told me that if I allow you to teach and further exhaust yourself, I will “see first-hand what a star looks like because she will fling me into space”. She is real terrifying that one, if she wants to be”.
“This is ridiculous, I am fully capable to teach and – “
“ Listen Hecate, I am not going to risk being punched in the face just because you are too stubborn to admit you’ve pushed yourself past your limits”
Hecate rolls her eyes. “ Do not be foolish, miss Pentangle is a professional, who would hardly lower herself to punching you”
“Hm-hm. You really want to bet your cauldron on that?”
Hecate makes to transfer, only to be stopped by a steel grip around her wrist and even more steel voice. “ Don’t you dare, Hecate Hardbroom”
As Hecate freezes and fumbles for something to say, Pippa turns to Dimitry and smiles sweetly. “ Thank you for trying, at least”
Dimitry shrugs. “Sure. Good luck with that one” and then she disappears into Hecate’s classroom with a smile and – what did that motion she made mean?
“Pippa, let me go” Hecate hisses, but it only makes Pippa give her a frankly dangerous smile.
“ No. I am going to transfer us, as you can hardly stand, let alone walk”
“ I am fully capable of walking – “ she tries to do so and suddenly really feels how exhausted she is, and how the transfer, usually something she does effortlessly all day, has made it worse. She stumbles, and falls against Pippa. She still smells almost frustratingly good, and Hecate pretends it is just exhaustion that makes her practically cuddle into Pippa’s shoulder.
She normally dislikes other people transferring her even more intensely than Pippa does, but now she hardly notices, too distracted by the almost intimate embrace they’re sharing. Then there’s the usual tightness in her chest, and she flinches badly before pulling away. Fortunately, Pippa lets her go immediately and allows her to put some distance between them.
“I apologize for transferring you, but- “Pippa approaches her carefully, and only touches her when she notices Hecate’s breathing has evened out almost completely. And still, her touch is so gentle it is almost not there, fingers pressed very carefully to Hecate’s arm to guide her in the direction of Pippa’s bed.
“ This is all completely- “
“ Shush Hiccup. Just rest, Goddess knows you need it”
“Pippa, I am fine. Honestly “ she is trying for her most strict miss Hardbroom voice, but the effect is ruined when she has to suppress a yawn and doesn’t completely succeed. Pippa just shakes her head, and gently pushes Hecate towards the bathroom.
“ Go change, you can borrow one of my nightgowns”
Hecate would protest more, but she truly does not have the energy to argue with Pippa who is convinced she is right. That would be useless endeavour even if she had had a full six hours of sleep, and several invigorating cups of tea. So she allows Pippa to throw a nightgown in her arm, and puh her into the bathroom. She puts it on in a sort of trance, that kind that comes with not having slept for 30 hours and only sparingly before that, and hardly registers Pippa staring at her.
She falls asleep the moment her head touches Pippa’s pillow, her last thought having something to do with how it is so completely Pippa. When she opens her eyes again, the sun has almost disappeared, and she has vague memories of hands cupping her face and soft lips on her. She slowly pushes herself up – and feels her heart stutter before starting to race.
Pippa is standing in front of the window, clad in a simple but lovely nightgown that leaves her shoulders bare. The last rays of sunlight illuminate her, catching in her hair and turning it truly gold. Her feet are bare, and she seems almost frail this way, without her clogs and witching robes. Her hair is down.
“ Goddess” Hecate breaths, and is unable to move for a long while.
Finally, Pippa turns around and smiles at her. She is in a short nightdress, but Hecate doesn’t tear her eyes away from Pippa’s face. That smile is gorgeous, and she gets lost in Pippa’s eyes before she ever flicks her eyes to Pippa’s bare legs or- she stares at that smile again, returning it without thinking.
Pippa practically runs over to her, still smiling at her , and takes her hand. “ Come on Hiccup” she laughs, pointing at the window. Hecate only glances at the window for long enough that she notices the sun has disappeared completely, before she focuses on Pippa’s gorgeous brown eyes again. She willingly moves over to the window, listening to Pippa’s happy chatter
“ Remember how we could see the stars from your room? It was one of the only perks of that dark, small bedroom you were stuck in” Pippa waves her hand, and the part of the wall in front of them disappears. Hecate stops abruptly.
“What are you doing?”
“ The temperature is perfect” she squeezes Hecate’s hand. “ And I always loved laying down on the grass , and hearing you name the stars”
“ You are perfectly capable of naming them as well” Hecate hopes Pippa can still fill in the words, understands she means why would you want me to be here? And not anything else, something that can hurt her. She is aware that her words are often misinterpreted, and she is terrible at explaining herself.
Fortunately, Pippa appears to understand as she just smiles gently and says “I enjoy listening to you do it, come on” and pulls her through the opening she created. Hecate protests some more, but it is mostly for show and Pippa knows it. She summons a blanket wordlessly, and convinces Hecate to lay down it with only minimal complaining. She immediately lay down herself, although whereas Hecate was careful to remain on the blanket, Pippa scooted down so that most of her legs were on the grass.
Hecate freezes when Pippa lays her head down on her chest, turning so that she could throw her legs over Hecate’s. “ Is this okay?”
Hecate swallows. “Yes”
“ All right. Tell me about the stars, Hiccup?”
She stares down at Pippa, nestled comfortably against her as though there isn’t so much separating them. Hecate’s mistake, their choices, their differences, their-
“Stop thinking so hard, Hecate”
“ All right” Hecate answers, and starts to tell her of the stars again. She is somewhat insecure at first, not used to this like she had been when they had been so close. But she quickly familiarizes herself with pointing out the stars, telling their stories, describing the sacred rituals connected to them. They stay outside nearly the entire night, Pippa cuddled against her. Somewhere during the night, the temperature drops drastically and Hecate summons a blanket for Pippa, pretending to be annoyed when Pippa refuses to believe Hecate doesn’t need the warmth as well. She cajoles Hecate into turning on her side as well, and they cuddle together with the blanket wrapped around them. They move from the stars to other topics, potion ingredients, modern and traditional spell-casting, teaching methods, chanting- until their eyelids are drooping and Pippa tugs them both from the comfortable warmth of the blanket, insisting they cast a spell for good health and luck, weaving flowers into Hecate’s hair and thanking the goddess afterwards.
It is not technically necessary to prepare ones clothing or hair for this spell, but Pippa says she has her reasons, and Hecate doesn’t mind enough to complain about it too much. It gives her an excuse to weave flowers into Pippa’s hair at any rate, and hold her hands clasped beneath her own as the sun rises slowly.
She doesn’t stop smiling at random moments for the entire day.
Hecate had forgotten what a good friend Pippa was- or maybe not forgotten, she could never forget anything about Pippa, but the memory had faded slightly at least.
Pippa brings her tea in the morning, and rolls her eyes good-naturedly when Hecate refuses to taste any of the sugary contraptions as well. She transfers potions for Hecate’s stiff muscles that appear in her breaks, and sends her notes so she doesn’t forget to eat. She gathers flowers from the gardens when Mildred is sleeping, or both Julie and her friends are there. She discusses spell theory, potion ingredients, lesson plans and nearly any other topic other people couldn’t keep up with. She laughs at Hecate’s sarcastic comments , and forgives her the moments she says the wrong thing. She holds her hand often, goes for walks when they’re available, suggests outings for when Mildred is fully healed and they both have less on their plates. She dares and teases Hecate, cajoling her into short broom rides and playful competitions. She convinces Hecate to give Julie a chance, and gives her a new friend that way( although Pippa is still needed to mediate sometimes).
Pippa is such a good friend, and Hecate has never been more hopelessly in love with her.
She despises herself for it, but she cannot force herself to pull away again. Not now she is aware it devastated Pippa, and it likely will do so again. So she just tries very hard to minimize her staring, and reminds herself they’re friends and that feeling like that whenever Pippa holds her hand or kisses her cheek or invites her to a picknick or to stargaze or just to walk around and talk for a very long time, she is doing it because she is being friendly. The weeks that pass are simultaneously lovely and tortuous because of it.
Pippa sends her a message on her Maglet, inviting her for dinner that evening and Hecate feels like a giddy teenager when she replies that she will be there. She feels even more foolish when she actually spends time looking for a less austere dress than usual, and magicking her hair so that it is in a waterfall braid, most of her hair loose apart from a centre braid where she magics pink, tiny flowers after a long hesitation. They are supposed to also celebrate the spring properly together after all, and she knows Pippa will braid flowers into her hair either way.
She walks to the spot they have agreed to meet at the exact right time, smiling and then quickly forgetting to walk when she sees Pippa. Her hair is braided as well, and she has cherry blossoms sticking from it. Her dress reaches her ankles, and has a long slit up her right side. There is a carnation pinned to the corset. Hecate is freed from her stupor when Pippa rushes towards her, and embraces her. When she finally pulls back, she kisses Hecate’s cheek before taking her hand and pulling her towards the table. Hecate admires the flowers, charmed to float around them with gentle light, and the expensive-looking table-ware.
“This is my favourite music” she comments
Pippa smiles “I hope you like it?” she gestures at all of it, the flowers, the tableware, the wine (fey berries; also Hecate’s favourite, a guilty pleasure in fact) and peers almost shyly at Hecate.
“ It is absolutely lovely, Pipsqueak “she breaths, taking Pippa’s hand and almost kissing it before she remembers herself and instead squeezes it once.
“That is good to hear”
They have just sat down when Pippa puts her glass down, and inhales deeply. She fidgets nervously, then drums her fingers against the table. If it were anyone else Hecate would find it annoying, but it just reminds her of a young Pippa who could never sit still for long.
“Hiccup? I - “ Pippa’s voice breaks slightly, and Hecate eyes her with concern.
“Pipsqueak?”
“I am just nervous”
Hecate takes her hand again, something that has become such a frequent occurrence between them she doesn’t even pause to think. “ Surely you have prepared these spells countless times before, just because you are at Cackle’s, doesn’t mean- “
“That’s not it”
Hecate frowns. There is something going on this evening, she can tell that much, she just doesn’t know what. “Then what is?”
Pippa sighs, and Hecate grabs her other hand as well when she nearly pushes over her glass with it. They’re properly holding hands now, and Hecate gets briefly distracted by how soft Pippa’s hands are, and how she looks ethereal in the light of the enchanted flowers.
“Pippa?” she carefully pushes, as soon as she has cast off the spell that is just Pippa Pentangle’s special brand of beauty.
Pippa smiles nervously at her. “ What is your type of woman?”
Hecate pulls away abruptly, blinking rapidly. “ What?”
“ Just- humour me” Pippa shrugs. “ Answer the question”
Hecate swallows, trying desperately to avoid answering. The only answer she can think of right now is you, because she has never had a type. It has always been Pippa, and Pippa is unique. She takes a sip of the wine to avoid answering, hoping Pippa does not notice her hands are shaking slightly.
“Why?” she finally asks.
Pippa looks completely frustrated. “ Could you just answer- “
“ Intelligent” Hecate blurts, glancing away from Pippa. “Brilliant, truly. Stubborn, enough so that she does not give in when I have a certain opinion. Empathic, enough that it baffles me”
Pippa bites her lips, nods. “ And?”
“ I suppose she has to be able to understand me, well enough that she does not get hurt when I misread a situation again, or do not know how to react to her or someone else. Someone who does not ignore my flaws, but acknowledges them and helps me become a better witch. Someone who can make me smile, even in the morning” she swallows, glancing at Pippa, and says the last words very lowly, almost hoping she doesn’t hear.
“Someone who loves me as well”
Pippa stares at her, and Hecate jumps in her seat when Pippa suddenly takes her hand and brings them to her lips, kisses them. Hecate feels like she so often does, stumbling in the dark with a vague idea but no real clue about what is happening.
“Why- “
“ I want someone who is brilliant as well, Hiccup. I want someone who is down to earth, but still accepts the way I am not always, without simply going along with everything. I want someone who can be enthusiastic with me, but also acknowledges when I am getting lost in a new idea, and it simply will not work out”
“Pipsquea-“
“ I want someone who is empathic, but nurtures that kindness deep inside her. I want someone who is serious, but will be silly for me. I want someone who is passionate about her work, and genuinely cares about mine. I want someone who wants me for more than my pretty face and- “ she smiles at Hecate “ great body. I want someone I’ve known since I was a teenager, and who is frustratingly oblivious, because she has somehow missed I have been in love with her for decades”
There’s tears in Pippa’s eyes. She might not be the only one. “I want you, Hecate Hardbroom, and I have tried nearly everything to make you see that without scaring you off, but you either are completely oblivious, or really do not wan- “
For once in her life, Hecate is the impulsive one. Before Pippa can finish, Hecate has jumped from her seat and stumbled over to Pippa. She has to bend awkwardly, and a part of her is still screaming at her to stop this immediately, lest she scares Pippa away for good, but she shuts it up by gently taking Pippa’s face between her hands, and brushing her lips over Pippa’s.
Finally. She means to pull back, finish their conversation somehow (Hecate has always been better at actions than words) but Pippa stands up and really kisses her. Starts with small kisses against the corner of her lips, working towards it, before playfully tugging on her bottom lip and finally, finally giving in.
And they will have that talk later, and Hecate will be teased terribly by her girlfriend for missing all the signs but right now, Hecate doesn’t want to talk. She wants to make up for one terrible mistake, a dozen smaller ones, and decades of pining and thinking she could never have Pippa. Her insecurities are still there, deep-rooted and twisted around her heart, but Pippa makes her forget about them completely.
Right now, it is easy to just be Hecate Hardbroom, the luckiest witch in the universe, the one that Pippa loves.
I had orginally planned to also have a focus on Mildred, and how she is (not so) secretly Hecate’s favourite, but I didn’t manage to write that in. I also wanted to add some other things- more of a potential Julie/Hecate friendship ( which Hecate would probably not even admit would be a friendship lol) and Ursula Hallow being the Worst, etc but I am thinking of writing another fic that will have that to make up for it.
#hecate hardbroom#pippa pentangle#hicsqueak#sappy#no seriously wow this is freaking Fluffy wow#might edit later#sorry this is not good but at least I finished something again yay
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Best Returning British TV Series 2021: the Most Anticipated Series Coming Back This Year
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There’s no getting around it; you’re going to see more of your TV than your friends and loved ones over the next few months. That being so, it’s lucky that there continues to be still so bloody much of the stuff, despite Covid-19’s best efforts to shut it all down. They might have been delayed, they might have been curtailed, but they weren’t stopped. Returning British TV shows are on their way. The horizon is filled with them, gambolling like lambs over the fields and into your living room.
There’s comedy and drama and crime thrillers arriving by the lorryload, and sci-fi and fantasy coming by the��� much smaller lorryload. (More of a small van for returning British sci-fi and fantasy this year, but check out the new titles coming soon.)
We’ll keep this list updated as soon as more details are announced and release dates are confirmed.
A Discovery of Witches Season 2 (January 8th)
Based on Deborah Harkness’ All Souls trilogy about the forbidden love between a powerful witch and a centuries-old vampire, A Discovery Of Witches debuted on Sky in autumn 2018 (read our reviews here) and was renewed for series two and three almost straight away. The second run sees leads Teresa Palmer and Matthew Goode (pictured) time-walking in Elizabethan England where they meet some famous faces of yore.
A Very English Scandal series 2
This one has yet to receive the official commission stamp, but it’s too good not to pass on a bit prematurely. Following on from the success of Russell T. Davies’ acclaimed three-part drama based on the real-life events of Lib Dem leader Jeremy Thorpe’s plot to have his lover Norman Scott murdered, the BBC plans to turn the ‘A Very English Scandal’ header into an anthology series following different true life events that rocked English society. As reported by Deadline in March 2020, Agatha Christie adapter extraordinaire Sarah Phelps is writing a three-part drama about a 1963 sex scandal involving the Duchess of Argyll, nicknamed ‘The Dirty Duchess.’
Back Season 2 (January)
Channel 4 has a second run of Simon Blackwell’s excellent sitcom Back on the way. The first series aired in autumn 2017 and was delayed while actor Robert Webb suffered an episode of ill health. The comedy reunites Peep Show’s David Mitchell and Webb as Stephen and Andrew, two erstwhile foster brothers whose neurotic rivalry boils up in the wake of Stephen’s father’s death. Louise Brealey also stars in the squirming, tragicomic delight. Stream the first series on All4 here.
Back To Life Season 2 (tbc)
Daisy Haggard and Laura Solon’s six part comedy-drama about a woman released from a lengthy prison sentence arrived in 2019 as one of a clutch of well-received original BBC shows. Haggard plays Miri, who returns to her childhood home and isn’t exactly welcomed back to the community with open arms, alongside Adeel Akhtar, Geraldine James, Liam Williams and more. It aired on Showtime over in the US, and will return for series two, which is currently being written.
Baptiste Season 2 (tbc)
Tcheky Karyo will return as grizzled French detective Julien Baptiste in a second series of the Williams Brothers’ Euro-set crime thriller. The character made his name on two series of The Missing, and earned his own BBC spin-off in spring 2019. (Read our spoiler-filled reviews here.) Series two sees Baptiste in Budapest on a search for the missing family of a British Ambassador, and co-stars Killing Eve‘s Fiona Shaw. Production on series two was halted in March 2020 because of the global spread of COVID-19, but got back up and running in the summer.
Breeders Season 2 (tbc)
Filming wrapped on the second series of Sky One parenting comedy Breeders just before Christmas 2020, so we can expect to see the new episodes later this year. The series, created by Simon Blackwell, Chris Addison and Martin Freeman, follows the child-based frustrations and catastrophes of Paul (Freeman) and Ally (Daisy Haggard), breaking taboos and punching you in the heart as it goes.
Britannia Season 3 (tbc)
Playwright Jez Butterworth and showrunner James Richardson first brought their trippy vision of warring Celts, mystical druids and invading Romans to Sky Atlantic in January 2018, and were quickly rewarded by a second series renewal. That run has already been and gone, leaving us awaiting the return of David Morrissey, Mackenzie Crook and co. for more bonkers ancient history, this time with added Sophie Okonedo!
Bulletproof: South Africa (January 20th)
After two hit series of crime drama Bulletproof on Sky One, police officers Bishop (Noel Clarke) and Pike (Ashley Walters) are back for a three-part special set in South Africa. The miniseries will see the crime-fighters’ attempt to relax on holiday scuppered when they become entangled with a dangerous kidnap plot.
Cobra Season 2 (tbc)
Robert Carlyle’s PM will return for another series of Sky One political thriller Cobra, written by The Tunnel and Strike: Cuckoo’s Calling‘s Ben Richards. The first series saw Carlyle’s character attempting to maintain power after solar flares took out Britain’s power grid and left the country in chaos as political factions vied for his position. What disaster will befall him in series two we don’t yet know…
Dead Pixels Season 2 (January)
Jon Brown’s gamer comedy debuted in March 2019 and was renewed four months later for series two. It stars Alexa Davies and Will Merrick as two die-hard MMORPG gamers (massive multiplayer online roleplay game, if you were wondering) and Charlotte Ritchie as their non-gaming flatmate. Here’s our interview with the creator on how other TV shows and films so often go wrong in their depiction of gaming and gamers.
Derry Girls Season 3 (tbc)
Lisa McGee’s terrific 90s-set Northern Irish comedy is set to return for a third series about the lives of secondary school students Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle and James. Filming was due to begin in June 2020, but Covid-19 disrupted that schedule so we’ll have to wait a little longer for this one. Set in the 1990s, Derry Girls is a coming-of-age nostalgia-flood with characters to love and jokes to spare, in which crushes and friendship fall-outs are dealt with in the same breath as dangerous political turmoil. Cracker.
Doctor Who Season 13 (tbc)
Thanks to Covid-19, we’re getting a shorter run of eight episodes for Doctor Who‘s next series, which is confirmed to welcome new companion Dan to the TARDIS. Played by comedian-actor John Bishop, Dan will join Yaz and the Doctor as they continue their travels after saying goodbye to Ryan and Graham in New Year special ‘Revolution of the Daleks.’
Endeavour Season 8 (tbc)
A three-episode seventh series of Russell Lewis’ Inspector Morse prequel aired in February 2020, taking Morse into a new decade, as he and the team investigated the discovery of a body on a canal path on New Year’s Day 1970 (read our spoiler-filled reviews here). Shaun Evans not only returned as the lead, but also directed his second instalment of the long-running crime prequel. Series eight was due to begin filming in summer 2020 but it was pushed back until 2021 due to the Covid-19 pandemic.
Gangs of London Season 2 (tbc)
The body count was high in Sky Atlantic’s ultra-stylish, ultra-violent 2020 thriller Gangs of London, but enough characters made it all the way through for a second season to be commissioned. When it eventually arrives, expect more expertly choreographed fight scenes, more international crime family intrigue and more betrayal. Co-creator Gareth Evans and his fellow directors gave us a taste of what to expect from the new run here.
Gentleman Jack Season 2 (tbc)
Renewed even before series one had aired, Sally Wainwright’s Gentleman Jack arrived on BBC One in the UK and HBO in the US with a bang. It stars Suranne Jones as real-life trail-blazing lesbian industrialist Anne Lister, with a cast including Sophie Rundle, Gemma Whelan and Rosie Cavaliero. It’s witty and dynamic, offering television a new 19th century hero at whom to marvel (here’s our episode one review). The eight-episode second series started filming in November 2020.
Ghosts Season 3 (tbc)
This tremendously fun comedy arrived in 2019 from the cast of Horrible Histories and Yonderland. Happily, it was renewed by the BBC for a third series, which guarantees us at least six more episodes of spectral shenanigans as Alison and Mike (alive) try to keep the ancestral family home going while dealing with an influx of housemates from history (dead). Speaking to Den of Geek in November 2020 about the terrific Christmas special, Kiell Smith-Bynoe, who plays Mike in the show, said they were hoping to film series three in spring 2021.
Guilt Season 2 (tbc)
BBC Scotland’s dark comedy-drama Guilt was a word-of-mouth hit that became an award-winning hit. Created by Neil Forsyth and starring Mark Bonnar, it was the story of two very different brothers attempting to cover up an unthinkable act. It’s currently available to watch on BBC iPlayer and will be joined by a second four-part series. Don’t get it confused with the US Amanda Knox series of the same name, which was cancelled.
Happy Valley Season 3 (tbc)
We’re cheating here because there is very little chance that 2021 will see the planned third and final series of Sally Wainwright’s excellent crime drama Happy Valley but it’s too good a drama not to include. The word seems to be that creator Wainwright and star Sarah Lancashire are keen to return for the final chapter in Sgt. Cawood’s story, but they’re waiting for young star Rhys Connah, who plays Cawood’s grandson Ryan, to get a bit older before tackling the story Wainwright wants to tell. Patience.
His Dark Materials Season 3 (tbc)
One final eight-episode season is on its way to BBC One and HBO to conclude this stunning adaptation of Philip Pullman’s book trilogy. Season three will tell the story of The Amber Spyglass, taking Lyra and Will to even more new worlds, where they’ll meet strange creatures and have to face a weighty choice. Pre-production began earlier in 2020, but the renewal announcement didn’t officially arrive until December. Here’s a taster of what we might expect to see.
Innocent Season 2 (tbc)
ITV’s Innocent was a four-part series about a miscarriage of justice that aired in May 2018. Its conclusion certainly didn’t call for a continuation so news of a second series renewal was a bit of a head-scratcher until it was revealed that creator Chris Lang (Unforgotten) was writing a whole new case and a whole new set of characters for the second run, now due to arrive this year.
Inside No. 9 Season 6 (tbc)
Knowing a good thing when it has one, BBC Two renewed Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith’s ingenious anthology series Inside No. 9 for a sixth and seventh series back in March. That means 12 new half-hour stories told with wit, originality and – every so often – a surprising amount of heart. Shearsmith Tweeted in November 2020 that the team were in rehearsals and planning to start filming on the new episodes imminently.
Killing Eve Season 4 (tbc)
Season four of mega-hit spy thriller Killing Eve was announced back before season three aired, so we know that it is coming, the question is: when? As the series films across various European locations, it’s been hit harder than many by the Covid-19 pandemic, and production was confirmed as being on an indefinite hiatus in October 2020, so don’t hold your breath for the usual April start date. As soon as things are up and running, we’ll let you know.
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New British TV Series for 2021: BBC, ITV, Channel 4, Sky Dramas and More
By Louisa Mellor
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Line of Duty Season 6 (March)
Series five of Jed Mercurio’s hugely successful crime thriller concluded in May 2019, and, after a Covid-related five-month delay, filming wrapped on series six in November 2020. Line of Duty stars Vicky McClure, Martin Compston and Adrian Dunbar as bent-copper-hunters AC-12, with each series welcoming a high-profile guest – previous series have welcomed Stephen Graham, Thandie Newton and Keeley Hawes, and this time around it’s Kelly Macdonald.
Man Like Mobeen Season 4 (tbc)
Announced on creator and star Guz Khan’s Instagram account in September 2020, as reported by Comedy.co.uk, hit BBC Three comedy Man Like Mobeen will return in 2021. Series three left fans on a serious cliffhanger that saw Mobeen doing time despite his best efforts to stay out of trouble and raise his younger sister. Catch up on BBC iPlayer here.
Marcella Season 3 (January)
ITV’s Marcella, co-created by The Killing’s Hans Rosenfeldt and starring Anna Friel, went out in a blaze of bonkers glory in 2018. Series two marked a turning point for the detective show, which went from domestic crime drama to full-blown comic-book spy thriller, complete with faked deaths, conspiracy, and secret investigative units. Series three has Marcella working undercover in a Belfast crime family. It’s already aired on Netflix around the world, and will finally arrive on ITV in January 2021.
McMafia Season 2 (tbc)
Starring James Norton as the conflicted British son of a Russian mob boss, McMafia was BBC One’s big, glamorous New Year drama for 2018. It was renewed for another eight episode season a good while back but updates on progress have been very thin on the ground since then Whenever it arrives, expect more double-crossing and high-stakes violence set against the backdrop of gangland London. Read our series one episode reviews here.
Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing Season 4 (tbc)
A fishing show may seem like a strange choice for this list of mostly high-profile dramas and comedies, but Gone Fishing deserves as much celebration as any of them. That’s thanks to Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse’s natural chemistry as two long-time friends, both of whom have been forced to contemplate their mortality in recent years due to serious heart problems. It’s fishing, yes, but it’s also chat, silliness and genuine human warmth.
Motherland Season 3 (tbc)
Sharon Horgan, Holly Walsh and Helen Linehan’s parenting comedy Motherland will be back for a third series. Starring Anna Maxwell-Martin (Good Omens, Line Of Duty), Lucy Punch, Paul Ready and Diane Morgan, it’s a caustic look at the demands of modern parenting and life in your thirties and forties that you don’t even need to have kids to relate to/stare at in rapt horror.
Peaky Blinders Season 6 (tbc)
Peaky Blinders, Steven Knight’s BBC Two crime saga following the ascendancy of Birmingham’s Shelby family in post-World War One England, is set to return for two further series, which should, if all goes to plan, take us all the way up to the outbreak of World War II. Series five aired in late summer 2019 and here’s all the news we have on series six, which was sadly forced to suspend production in March due to the global spread of Covid-19. Filming is due to resume in January 2021, so fingers crossed we’ll get the new series later this year.
Sex Education Season 3 (tbc)
Season three of Netflix’s celebrated high school comedy-drama went into production in September 2020, so there’ll be a little wait until the new episodes arrive on the streaming service. The show has won such an adoring fandom over its two seasons that they’ll wait as long as it takes to continue the stories of Otis, Eric, Maeve and of course, Gillian Anderson’s masterful Jean.
Staged Season 2 (January 4th)
A lot of people tried their best to make new TV under lockdown conditions last year, and some fared better than others. At the top of the comedy pile is Staged, starring David Tennant and Michael Sheen as exaggerated versions of themselves, rehearsing a play on Zoom with a host of big name guest stars and plenty of laughs courtesy of their other halves Georgia Tennant and Anna Lundberg.
Stath Lets Flats Season 3
We waited too long to hear that Channel 4 was doing the sensible thing and renewing Jamie Demetriou’s excellent Stath Lets Flats for a third series. During that wait, the show won three Baftas and even more fans, securing its reputation as one of the best comedies around. According to cast-member Kiell Smith-Bynoe, who plays reluctant letting agent Dean, the plan is to start filming in summer 2021, if everybody’s schedules can match up.
Taboo Season 2 (tbc)
From Steven Knight, creator of the excellent Peaky Blinders, in collaboration with star Tom Hardy, Taboo presents a very different vision of Regency England to the traditional Jane Austen world of assembly balls and etiquette faux pas. It’s about James Delaney, an almost invincible, little bit magic, highly mysterious thorn in the side of the East India Company. Series one aired in early 2017, and as of summer 2019, Knight had finished six of the eight scripts for the second series. Here’s what we know so far.
Taskmaster Season 11 (tbc)
Joining the Taskmaster and little Alex Horne for series ten of Taskmaster – its first series on Channel 4 – were Daisy May Cooper, Johnny Vegas, Katherine Parkinson, Mawaan Rizwan and Richard Herring. Then came a New Year treat featuring all-new one-off contestants. In 2021, we’re due a full new series starring Charlotte Ritchie, Jamali Maddix, Lee Mack, Mike Wozniak and Sarah Kendall, plus a champion of champions miniseries.
Temple Season 2 (tbc)
Adapted from Norwegian series Valkyrien, Temple is the story of an underground medical facility run by a desperate surgeon and his apocalypse-prepping colleague. It stars Mark Strong, Carice Van Houten and Daniel Mays, and debuted on Sky One in autumn 2019. The series two renewal was announced as the series one finale aired, and the new episodes are expected to air in summer 2021. Read more about the series here.
The Bay Season 2 (January)
Daragh Carville’s Morecambe-set crime thriller returns with a new case for Morven Christie’s DS Lisa Armstrong and co. this year. The first series dealt with the disappearance of a set of teenage twins and shady goings-on in a picture-perfect coastal town, earning it the title of ‘the new Broadchurch’. Here’s our episode one review.
The Capture Season 2 (tbc)
Ben Chanan’s BBC One thriller The Capture was a high-stakes crime drama that tackled the question of what truth and innocence mean when video evidence can be so easily manipulated in the modern age. It starred Strike‘s Holliday Grainger, and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them‘s Callum Turner, and was renewed for a second series in summer 2020.
The Crown Season 5 (tbc)
Olivia Colman took over from Clare Foy as HRH Elizabeth II in The Crown series three. The time jump saw Matt Smith replaced by Tobias Menzies as Prince Philip and Helena Bonham-Carter take the reins from Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret, with Gillian Anderson playing Margaret Thatcher. For season five, the palace welcomes Imelda Staunton (pictured) and Lesley Manville as the Windsor sisters.
The Last Kingdom Season 5 (tbc)
The Last Kingdom series five will adapt the next two books in Bernard Cornwell’s Saxon Stories series: Warriors of the Storm and The Flame Bearer. Starring Alexander Dreymon as Viking-raised-Saxon Uhtred of Bebbenberg, it’s an action-packed historical drama filled with wit and characters to love. Read our spoiler-filled episode reviews and more.
This Time With Alan Partridge Season 2 (tbc)
Filming concluded on the second run of This Time With Alan Partridge in December 2020, so there shouldn’t be too long a wait for the new episodes to arrive on BBC One. Series two sees Norwich broadcasting veteran Alan established as the co-presenter of fictional magazine chat show This Time, following his gaffes on-screen and off. Susannah Fielding co-stars.
Unforgotten Season 4 (tbc)
Cassie and Sunny (played by Nicola Walker and Sanjeev Bhaskar) return for a fourth series of ITV’s excellent cold case crime drama Unforgotten. What makes Chris Lang’s detective series stand out is its empathy—for its characters, for the victims, and often, for the killers themselves. The new series will take another decades-old case as its starting point, and no doubt tell another engrossing, affecting story led by excellent performances from a cast including Susan Lynch and Sheila Hancock.
War of the Worlds Season 2 (tbc)
FOX UK sci-fi War of the Worlds was one of the first TV dramas to restart filming after the enforced Covid-19 lockdown (it helps when your show is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the population has been more or less destroyed), so even with all the effects-heavy post-production required, we can expect it to arrive this year. It uses H.G. Wells’ story more as a jumping-off point than a bible, and developed into a poised and atmospheric sci-fi for adults. Read more about it here.
World on Fire Season 2 (tbc)
To the delight of fans following series one’s tense cliff-hanger ending, Peter Bowker’s WWII drama following multiple interconnected stories from around the world during the war, was recommissioned in November 2019. The stories of Harry (Jonah Hauer-King), Kasia (Zofia Wichlacz) and Lois (Julia Brown) will continue in the second run, alongside those of Lois’ conscientious objector father Douglas (Sean Bean) and Harry’s ice-cold mother Robina (Lesley Manville).
Year of the Rabbit Season 2 (tbc)
Detective Rabbit returns! Matt Berry, Susan Wokoma and Freddie Fox will be back for more Victorian crime-based comedy in a second series of Channel 4’s acclaimed Year Of The Rabbit. C4’s Head of Comedy Fiona McDermott describes the show, which is co-written by Matt Berry with Veep and Black Books‘ Andy Riley and Kevin Cecil, as “glorious, gutsy and audacious”, and you won’t hear any disagreement from us. Series one is currently available to stream on All4, and the six new episodes are expected to arrive this year.
Also returning:
Brassic Season 3 (tbc) – Joseph Gilgun’s Sky One comedy returns for a third run.
Code 404 Season 2 (tbc)– Stephen Graham and Daniel Mays are back on Sky One in this very British comedy take on RoboCop.
Don’t Forget the Driver Season 2 (tbc) The brilliant Toby Jones returns in this heartfelt seaside comedy drama.
Feel Good Season 2 (tbc) – Mae Martin’s autobiographically inspired comedy returns to Channel 4.
Hitmen Season 2 (tbc) – Mel and Sue will be back on Sky One for more paid-assassin larks.
King Gary Season 2 – Gary King will be ruling the crescent once again in this BBC One comedy.
I Am… Season 2 (tbc) – The Channel 4 female-fronted anthology drama returns with Suranne Jones among the cast.
Intelligence Season 2 (tbc) – David Schwimmer and Nick Mohammed are back on Sky One for more tech-spy comedy.
State of the Union Season 2 (tbc) – Nick Hornby is creating two new characters who meet up weekly before their marriage counselling sessions for this BBC Two comedy-drama.
The Cockfields Season 2 (tbc) – This Gold original comedy starring Joe Wilkinson and Diane Morgan will return, but sadly, without comedian Bobby Ball, who passed away in 2020.
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